A Year Later...

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Last April
It is insane to think that almost exactly a year ago I wrote my post, "April Showers Bring May Flowers." I was not in a good point of my life last April, but little by little the May flowers did come. Unfortunately once the fall months rolled around, the flowers started to wither away, and by winter they were dead. I thought I would never experience a hurt worse than the one I experienced a year ago, but wow, I was wrong. I should have known what was coming, since I was surrounded by people who had hurt me and some people who were apart of my life last year. The past couple months I have gone through some heart-wrenching things that have torn me to pieces. I have never experienced pain like the pain I have felt these past few months. I do not want to dwell on the negative, but this has been a big part of my life lately.

Forgiveness
I am probably one of the most forgiving people you'll ever meet, which is good sometimes, but often bad. I chose to forgive a lot of people around me, when I shouldn't have, especially a select few who got more than enough chances. I went through my first phase of forgiveness in September 2018, when I chose to forgive the person who has put me through the worst. At first, I was glad I chose to forgive and move forward. I was so happy to have this person back in my life, but unfortunately there came a point where I was forgiving for things I should not have, just because I wanted this person in my life so bad. A lot of people I was closest to revealed their true colors to me, all because this person was back in my life. After a while of not even giving them the time of day, I decided it was time to forgive. I am glad I chose to, but I did not have my boundaries set that needed to be set, and that has caused some issues. Usually I give people a second chance , and then no more, but for one person, I was handing out chances every single day. Every day I am learning and working to forgive in a healthy way, when forgiveness is deserved.

Hurt but Thankful
Although I have been through some of the worst things I will probably ever go through the past couple of months, I am thankful for these trials which have helped me learn and grow. I am thankful I chose to forgive in September for multiple reasons, like the memories, but mostly because if I hadn't I would have never seen a lot of my closest friends' true colors. I would much rather be hurt in the process of finding people who truly care about me than be surrounded by people who don't without being hurt. It was been hard to accept what has happen and work towards moving forward, but I am every day.

May Flowers Are Coming, Again
After months of coping with the events that I went through, I am finally feeling okay again. I have made some friends, who I otherwise wouldn't have, who have been so good to me. I have reconnected with some of the best people I know. Most importantly, I have found a person who has helped me realize I did not deserve what I went through or how I was treated. This person has been like the glasses I needed in a situation where I was blinded. I lost my best friend, and I never wanted to allow anyone that close to me again, but now I am realizing that just because one person hurt me, doesn't mean every person will. People continue to try to bring me down, but I have continued with my head held high every day, and these things are no longer getting to me, no matter how hard evil people try.

Excited
I am excited to see what the next chapter of my life holds, especially after realizing the type of people who I deserve to be surrounded by. I am learning more about myself every day and I love who I am becoming. I am okay and I plan to continue to be okay. I am excited to close the last chapter of my life, which was way to long, and move on. No matter what happens next, I am thankful for what I have gone through, blessed for the strength I was given to survive, and excited to see what this year's May flowers bring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_1Rzj_pDGs

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